Soldiers & Suicide: A Warrior Poet's Nightmare...

Carrying a Backpack of Sorrow:

Soldiers on the Edge of Suicide

By Nadya Williams

Freelance Journalist, Veterans Advocate, Agent Orange Activist

More of our young soldiers are now killing themselves than are being killed in our wars in the Middle East. The sad statistics are at the end of this article, but the following poem by a 24-year-old former Marine, who slashed his wrists twice after four years of duty and two tours of combat, tells it all.

You fell off the seat as the handlebars turned

sharp left, throwing your body onto

the hot coals of Ramadi pavement,

intertwining your legs within your bicycle.

Lifeless eyes looking to the sky,

your neck muscles twitched turning your head

directly towards us. Nothing escaped your

lips except for the blood in the left corner

of your mouth that briefly moistened them

until the sand and dust dried them out.

The blood trail went behind the stone wall

where your body was placed, weighed down

by your blue bicycle and we laughed.

I used to fall asleep to the pictures and now

I can’t even bear to get a glimpse.

Excerpted from “The Bicycle” by Jon Michael Turner

The military “broke me down into a not-good person, wearing a huge mask,” Turner told the audience at his poetry reading in San Francisco’s Beat Museum, in North Beach. The March 12 event – on the birthday of ‘Beatnik’ literary icon Jack Kerouac – was organized by the venerable Jack Hirschman, San Francisco’s 2006 Poet Laureate, and by the local IVAW (Iraq Veterans Against the War). Jon read from his small, self-published book “Eat the Apple” and from several large pages of dark green hand-made paper – the product of The Combat Paper Book Project, where 125 vets, ranging from World War II through Vietnam to Iraq and Afghanistan, shredded their uniforms to make books for their poetry. “Poetry saved my life,” Jon told us, more than once. (Photo: Jack Hirschman, 2006 Poet Laureate of San Francisco, with Iraq War vet, Jon Michael Turner)

The Burlington, Vermont native was accompanied by his father and step-mother on a coast to coast series of readings from the little book whose name comes from a play on the word “core.” The flyer for the evening reading stated:

“There’s a term ‘Once a Marine, always a Marine,’” Turner says, ripping his medals off and flinging them to the ground. As the room explodes in applause he adds, “But there’s also the expression:

‘Eat the apple, f*ck the corps.

I don’t work for you no more!’”

Jon walks with a cane and was physically injured in battle, but only his poetry reveals his invisible wounds, as in these excerpts from “A Night in the Mind of Me – part 1”

The train hits you head on when you hear of another

friend whose life was just taken.

Pulling his cold lifeless body from the cooler,

unzipping the bag and seeing his forehead,

caved in like a cereal bowl from the sniper’s bullet

that touched his brain.

His skin was pale and cold.

It becomes difficult to sleep even after being

physically drained from patrols, post,

overwatches and carrying five hundred

sandbags up eighty feet of stairs after

each post cycle.

The psychiatrists still wonder why we

drink so heavy when we get home.

We need something to take us away

from the gunfire, explosions,

sand, nightmares and screams……….

I still can’t cry.

The tears build up but no weight is shed.

Anger kicks in and something else

becomes broken.

A cabinet

An empty bottle of liquor

A heart

A soul.

People still look away as we submit ourselves

to drugs and alcohol to suppress these

feelings of loneliness and sadness,

leading to self mutilation and

self destruction on the gift of a human body.

The ditch that we dug starts to cave in.

And from “A Night in the Mind of Me  –  part 2:”

Laughter pours out from the house as if nothing

were the matter, when outside in a chair, underneath

a tree, next to the chickens, I sit,

engulfed in my own sorrows……

Resting on the ground is my glass,

half filled with water but I don’t have

enough courage to pick it up and smash it against

my skull so that everyone can watch blood

pool in the pockets where my collar

bones meet my dead weighted shoulders,…

Every time I’m up, something pulls me down,

whenever I relax, something stresses me out,

every time a smile tugs on my heart, an

iron fist crushes it, and I sit outside in a chair,

underneath a tree, next to the chickens,

away from the ones that I love so

that my disease won’t infect them.

Sorrow and self-pity should be detained,

thrown into an empty bottle and given to the

ocean so that the waves can wash away the pain.

One wonders why this slightly-built, sensitive young man joined the Marines in 2004 at the age of 18 (he was sent first to Haiti at the time of the US-backed February coup that ousted the populist and democratic President Jean-Bertrand Aristide). Jon revealed that he came from a military family whose participation in every American conflict stretches back to the Revolutionary War. His father is clearly too young to have gone to Vietnam, but could have easily been in one or both of the Bushes’ wars. Jon’s big brother is also a soldier, ironically now in Haiti after the earthquake. Of the American military, Jon now writes in ”What May Come”:

tap, tap

That’s the sound of the man at your door,

I’m sorry but you won’t see your son alive anymore,

my name is Uncle Sam and I made your boy a whore.

And, from “Just Thoughts”:

I often wonder

if this will be the rest of my life.

Schizophrenic, paranoid, anxious.

That guy that walks around the city center that

people steer their children away from.

“Mommy, who’s that man walking next

to the crazy guy?”

“Oh that’s just Uncle Sam sweetheart, he takes

the souls from young men so that

they have trouble sleeping at night”

“It takes the Courage and Strength of a Warrior to ask for Help” – we’ve all seen the ads, on billboards and busses, with the silhouette of a down-cast soldier against a back drop of the stars and stripes, and a 1-800 Help Line just for vets, provided by the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, the Department of Health and Human Services, and the Department of Veterans Affairs. But “The Surge” in self-inflicted deaths continues, with our military reporting 350 suicides of active duty personnel in 2009, compared to 340 combat deaths in Afghanistan, and 160 in Iraq during the same year – the highest active duty military suicide numbers since records began to be kept in 1980. And for every death, at least five serving personnel are hospitalized for attempting to take their life, according to the military’s own studies.

But these statistics do not include the far larger number of post-active duty veterans who kill themselves after discharge, or, like Jon Michael Turner, who make the attempt. (Vietnam veteran suicides number easily in the tens of thousands.) A CBS study put the current suicide rate among male veterans aged 20 to 24 at four times the national average. According to CNN, total combat deaths since 2001 (8+ years) in Afghanistan are now 1,016; since 2003 (7 years) in Iraq 4,390 – totaling 5,406 as of March 21, 2010. However the Veteran’s Administration estimates that 6,400 veterans take their own lives each year – an ever growing proportion of them from the recent Mid-East wars – with this figure widely disputed as being way too low. Multiply 6,400 by seven or eight years to compare the numbers of our young soldiers that are now killing themselves, to those being killed in our wars and occupations.

The last word belongs to Jon Michael Turner, from “Taught How To Love”:

x

I’m sick of carrying this pain

everywhere I go. I’m sick of being

thanked for my service. I’d rather

have society thank the people that

don’t believe in war, or thank

the people that get arrested for

an act of civil disobedience, or

thank the people that resist.

________

To buy “Eat the Apple,” contact Jon M. Turner, Seven Star Press, 4 Howard Street Suite 12, Burlington, VT 05401; E-mail: JT@greendoorstudio.net  See also: www.IVAW.org (Iraq Veterans Against the War)

________

Nadya Williams is a free-lance journalist and a former study-tour coordinator for Global Exchange, a San Francisco-based human rights and peace non-profit.  She is an active associate member of Veterans for Peace, San Francisco chapter, and is on the national board of the New York-based Vietnam Agent Orange Relief and Responsibility Campaign. 

www.vetspeak.org

Action Alert: Vietnam Veteran Joe Diliberti Vs San Diego County

Ed Note: This piece also appears on Veterans Today’s pages, and we owe them the thanks for the photos, and for their taking this issue as an editorial focus.  I became aware of the story while I was in Ventura, Ca, for the coalition meeting (VVAW, IVAW, VFP, MFSO, and support groups) 2d Veterans & Military Families Conference, just this past month.   After some discussion about it, my friend and VVAW associate Mutt, agreed to follow-up  and submit a piece to VetSpeak on Joe’s dilemma. As powerful as this story is, it is but one example of thousands of similar instances of Veterans clawing and fighting to find peace in this demonic society that we seem to have evolved into....this one, after 40 years!  What I get out of it, is what an example for the rest of us Joe is, and hope that his story will inspire you to personal action.  Here is the appropriate Information and Action link, 

containing appropriate contact points,  for those of you who wish to take direct action and have your voice heard on this matter.  Also there are action and information links in Mutt’s piece…if you ain’t part of the solution, you’re part of the problem (Photo: Willie & Mutt, Ventura).WH

Marine Holds His Ground

That’s sort of a “dog bites man” story; but Joseph Diliberti, the Marine in question, is holding off a very large and dangerous dog indeed. A County government as bankrupt as it is corrupt, that wants to seize a man’s home of thirty years for what they claim are unpaid property taxes, is a particularly nasty dog. Its demands are bullshit. Here’s why….. 

By Mutt, Field Reporter on Recon

www.VetSpeak.org

(Photos: Veteran Today)

San Diego, Ca - I guess I have to start at the beginning, which for Joseph was the hard streets of Brooklyn, NY; the sound of which glides thru every word he speaks.

As was the norm back then, Joseph enlisted as the war against Viet Nam raged.  In the Marine Corps, he found a world as tough as Brooklyn’s streets, and he fit right in… until what he saw in Viet Nam repelled him. He vowed at that point to neither war against people, nor be a participant in a society that would glorify such things.  

Thirty-odd years ago Joseph found a remote canyon, far from the city. It was a wet, spring fed bit of oasis amidst the desert chaparral. He built a large tree-house where eventually his daughter was born. Over the years, he studied his small corner of the planet, and started building roomy houses out of clay, which he then fired, creating ceramic, fireproof, and indestructible houses which, frankly, astound. He became a “bush vet” and Rastafarian.

Then, about ten years ago, houses started going up around him. To put things into perspective, you have to understand the nature of San Diego county politics. This is a seething Petri dish of tea baggers, fundamentalist crackpots, merc and militia wannabes, and the kind of political hacks who use these elements to get elected.  It has to be seen to be believed.

To them, a guy like Joseph Diliberti, an actual veteran speaking simple truth to the elaborate lies of Empire, is someone to be feared and hated. And to the County who serves these people, another easy victim, someone that is easily pushed around - Big mistake

x
Fast forward a few years, the area becomes more populated and we have massive wildfires, for many reasons, not the least of which is the balding of fire resistant native species & the proliferation of invasive weeds, which turn the countryside into a vast firebomb.  After the ’03 fires that swept thru the backcountry, ash fell from the sky like snow for days.  Then the usual hysterical response came, which we’ve seen in say, the “Patriot Act”- a really stupid idea, rushed thru the system, so politicians will feel “safe.”

In THIS case, the stupid idea was giving a secretive company, with only a PO Box, a no bid contract to “clear” dangerous weeds, and submit a no oversight bill.

This clearing was to be done based on anonymous “complaints.”  The outfit, Fire Prevention Services, determined what was to be cut, where, and how much to charge. They were fired for cause soon after trashing Joseph's green piece of canyon bottom, AFTER the surrounding area, full of weeds, burned.    

The County paid FPS $25,000 with no documentation of what was cut, how much, and where. The San Diego Rural Fire Protection District, under whom this no bid, no oversight contract was awarded, has let out at various times that the work was performed by 1 truck and two people; or 4 people; and for 1, 2, or 3 days - depending on what day it is.

An LA Times story states that “records” shown to the reporter declared 800 cubic yards were removed. That’s about 140 dump truck loads. No dump trucks were ever seen in the area at the time, much less 140. Joseph can’t see these “records” - indeed NO record, but for the bill.

Ever since this assault on Joseph has taken place, the County Tax Assessor has refused to accept Joseph's actual tax bill, but demanded the entire amount, now with 150% interest - his actual tax payments are in escrow. He will be happy to pay his tax bill tomorrow. But the extortion - No! 

Meanwhile, the Vig - well, this is extortion & racketeering so let's use the right terms - has inflated the original bill to over $65,000! That is nothing short of Mob interest rates, and the County now wishes to steal Joseph's land to make good the payment THEY made to a corrupt, oft-sued, pack of swindlers.  AND along the way, will naturally grab a few bucks for themselves.

What would you do?

Well, WE are doing THIS. These are the sort of people who can’t operate in the light of day. YOU are that light!  While San Diego County goes under  -  the county is known world-wide as “Enron by the Sea” - don’t let them make up for THEIR criminal incompetence by seizing Joseph's home and selling it at auction to be bought by who, the unknown neighbor who sic’d this corrupt company on him in the first place?

The fact these crooks and crackpots are doing it to a Marine combat vet is just frosting on the cake.

 Richard Halsey, of the Chaparral Institute, is NCOIC this operation. He knows every detail. I'm the squad cherry….

Mutt, VVAW-SD, reporting

                                                                                                                          

www.VetSpeak.org

Forbes Company of the Year - Anti-Green Monsanto: Agent Orange Creator and Defense Department Vendor

By Chuck Palazzo

Agent Orange Editor

www.VetSpeak.org

x

Danang, Vietnam - A slap in the face! What an insult. What a display of ignorance. What little to no compassion, let alone admission of guilt to the war crimes this company was involved in. No, they were never convicted – because they settled out of court like Dow and the rest of the criminals who created, sold, and made hundreds of millions of dollars creating, selling and reaping the profits from Dioxin – yes, Agent Orange. (Photo: Vietnam File Photo - circa 1965-1968)
x

http://www.forbes.com/forbes/2010/0118/americas-best-company-10-gmos-dupont-planet-versus-monsanto.html

x

This week, Forbes Magazine named Monsanto its company of the year. Can you believe it? Forbes – sure, a conservative, capitalist magazine – but nominating and approving Monsanto? A killer that was and continues to be, responsible for MILLIONS of deaths, MILLIONS of humans affected with disease as a result of being sprayed and exposed, MILLIONS of offspring whose health (and most of the time, untimely deaths), all caused by the evil poison known as Agent Orange.

x

They still produce Round-up, a watered down version of Agent Orange. However, the French Courts have found in favor of those who brought suit against them – Monsanto was accused and convicted in the French Courts about the make-up and what actually Round-up is and does – they were convicted of lying to the courts - perjury. Their sentence? A fine – a pittance, compared with the BILLIONS of dollars in revenue they achieve each year.
x
However, that recent series of court cases in France is indeed significant – Round-up sales have dropped since the court’s decision, and this might just be a start – because Monsanto did in fact earn less than their forecasted revenues in 09 as a result in a drop in sales of Round-up.

x

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8308903.stm

x

Their CEO did in fact receive less in bonus compensation as a result of much of this being revealed – but he still earned millions of dollars!

x

http://www.stltoday.com/blogzone/mound-city-money/st-louis-companies/2009/12/monsanto-ceo-grant-sees-bonus-shrink-in-09/

x

Today, Monsanto is viewed by many, as a savior in terms of world hunger – because of its creation of genetically engineered seeds. Two very important facts:

x

   1)  GE seeds are in fact NOT better than natural seeds and are, some believe, even worse – in terms of the environment, human lives, spread of new diseases and humanity in general.
x  
2)  It has been revealed by the AP as well as other trusted sources, that Monsanto has and continues to use strong arm tactics in forcing farmers to buy and use their seeds.

x

This is a short video about the lie of what Monsanto and others preach about GE crops:

x

http://www.techblogarchives.com/2010/01/06/genetic-engineering-the-worlds-greatest-scam/
x

The GE seed issue is certainly a serious one – but brothers and sisters, let us never forget Vietnam, Cambodia, Canada, Korea and other countries where Agent Orange was sprayed in both war and peacetime. Let us not forget all human tolls it has taken – and continues to take. The lives that have been devastated, the lives removed. The profits and GE seeds and eventual crops that wind up on your supermarket shelves have all been brought to you buy the profits Monsanto received as a result of the US Government paying them hundreds of millions of dollars for the poison we all despise:  Agent Orange.
x
More about Monsanto, the food industry in general, and the devastation and lies they and others like them are propagating, in this wonderful piece called “Food, Inc.”

x

http://www.theconsci​ous.com/?p=61

x

This may or may not be available free of charge, depending on what country you reside in, but it IS available to all from www.thepiratebay.org. Remember, you will need a torrent program to download it. Email me if you need further instructions.

x

http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/5142533/Food__Inc__%282008%29

x

I urge you all – please login to Forbes, create an account, and comment about this truly wrong winner this year. Monsanto and its executives belong behind bars – not recipients of Forbes’ Company of the Year Award!

x

Not a single word about their involvement with the US Government during the Vietnam War. Not one mention of all the death and destruction they have and continue to be responsible for. This is the true corporate world – its finest for its shareholders and executives, but its worst for all of us who were exposed to, suffer from, and pass on the devastation we know as Agent Orange. Genetic alteration to seeds? What about the genetic alteration, eventual disease, disability and death from Agent Orange?

x

www.VetSpeak.org

Afghanistan: Are the Impacts of Vietnam Fading, is it Possible?

Looking forward into the past:  Vietnam & Afghanistan
By
Chuck Palazzo
Agent Orange Editor
www.VetSpeak.org

Da Nang, Vietnam - How can the U.S. decry human rights violations as it fails to be responsible for a war that should never have been waged in the first place?  As a VVAW member and correspondant living in Vietnam I receive a great amount of feedback as a result of my efforts to help people affected by the chemical Agent Orange, a defoiliant manufactured by Monsanto.  This contribution is an interchange of dialog on some key points of the Vietnam War. The following comment which began this dialog is from a source that we are choosing not to name:  

"Let it go, Brother. Your attention to figures can scramble your brain. And don't think 58,000 Americans died in vain in Viet Nam. There were lessons to learn and a need for this for the U.S. to realize the limits of its power. Viet Nam didn't matter in the scheme of things and it wouldn't have made any difference to the vast majority of us, regardless of the outcome."

But I responded and told him I would publicize our dialog. He was writing to me in response to my asking for stats re: how many of us are left, how many disabled, etc. This was my reply:

"I appreciate what you have said, and I agree with you to an extent. But to never let anyone believe our brothers and sisters have died in vain? I for one, cannot ever let it go. Yes, I have let many things go - including the fact that I was an 18 year old kid thrust into a war that I had no idea was about - except I came from an era and was told, by my dad, friends, and of course the US Government that we had to fight the spread of communism. What crap, I am sure you would agree.

You see, in my opinion, Vietnam does matter in the scheme of things, especially when it comes to facts and figures - and more important, what continues to occur in Iraq and the current escalation in Afghanistan. You cannot fix what you cannot measure. 


It might be easy for some to forget what the US did in Vietnam, the loss of the 58,000 plus, the daily deaths as a result of the collateral damage known as Agent Orange, even now, 40 years later - but unless we remind each other, and continue to educate other people as well, we as humanity are destined to make the same mistakes, commit the same war crimes, and foster the same money making schemes we did back then. Yes, perhaps we have learned some lessons, but Monsanto continues to be a multi-billion dollar company and the US refuses to admit its war crimes.  Will the US government opt for chemical defoliants as a weapon in their war on the poppy trade, in Afghanistan?  If so, who you gonna call?

Look at our sons and daughters, our friends, and our allies, who are dying daily in Iraq and Afghanistan? Who knows how many years, how many generations, how many innocents as well as warriors will be affected - and for how long? We haven’t learned a thing as a nation, brother. My opinion - and perhaps many others' as well.

I do appreciate your feedback, and thanks.

Semper Peace!

Chuck"

The fact that light is still being shed on this topic is extremely important. The story has to keep on being told, and while war is war - how can the U.S. government decry human rights violations as it fails to stand up and take responsibility for the lives that have been torn apart because of a war that should never have been waged in the first place - along with the chemicals used to fight it?

www.VetSpeak.org

After Action Report: VA Land Grab Rally

Supporters Rally to Save Our Veterans Land
By
Steve Crandall

President, Ca Central Coast VVAW

The rally on the 16th of August to save our veterans’ property was a great success. We had individuals representing the Disabled American Veterans, Gold Star Families Speak Out, The Evan Ashcraft Foundation, Veterans of Foreign Wars, Vietnam Veterans Against the War, Iraq Veterans Against the War, Military Order of the Purple Heart, Veterans for Peace, Military Families Speak Out and the Broken Rope Foundation. Also several local civilians joined in to support saving our veterans’ land. These groups and individuals all have different political views about the wars past and present, yet they came together to save our veterans land and support our veterans’ rights.

Veterans came from as far away as San Diego and Ventura to participate in the rally. They spanned several generations of war from World War II, to the Korean War, to the Vietnam War, as well as the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars. Some were in wheel chairs and others were clearly still suffering from their wounds of war but none of these obstacles kept them from supporting our common cause.

They shared information about their military backgrounds and stories about their war experiences. Some of the stories were about the good times and others about the more difficult times. They also shared stories about their lives today, their hobbies and their involvement in fighting for veterans’ rights. Civilians spoke about their connections with veterans and desires to help save the land for veterans so they can have a place to heal from the affects of war.

The support didn’t only come from the sign holders but also from the drivers and passengers as the cars rounded the bend at Wilshire and San Vicente. The nearly constant sound of car horns echoed off the surrounding buildings as passengers as well as drivers gave us a thumbs up sign of support. Even though we had been on our feet for several hours it was that unexpected support from passerby’s that gave us the energy to hold those signs even higher and look forward to returning again.

This rally was a small example of veterans and civilians with different political viewpoints about wars past and present uniting around a common cause to Save Our Veterans’ Land. But as successful as the rally was, we still need the presence of the many veterans groups that weren’t represented. When we all stand together, the VA and our elected officials will have to rescind the public park land deal with the Veterans Park Conservancy and keep their promise to preserve this land as a place for veterans to heal from war.

For further information on this initiative, and how you can become involved:

x

Contact Steve at stevecrandall@verizon.net, or, by phone, 805 388-1542.

x

www.VetSpeak.org