Showing posts with label PTSD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label PTSD. Show all posts

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Two Soldiers, Four Wars, One Name

by NMguiniling

It’s Guiniling. Pronounced “Gah-Kneeling,” it is my husband’s maternal last name, which traces back to the highlands of the Philippines.

It’s not that I find my own given name particularly un-likeable.  As a child of the modern-day ‘blended family’ (and one in which my mother kept her maiden name in marriage), I’ve contemplated the idea of name-changing, hyphenating, and all manner of Onomastics since I was pretty young. For instance, my maiden name, Burton, is of English origin and refers to one “residing near a fort or garrison,” whereas my maternal last name, “Wenger” refers to one’s German place of residence, “on a grassy hill”. But Guiniling is the name my husband and I have chosen for its ability to tell an important chapter of our family history.
It is now only heresay that Inting Guinling, my late grandfather-in-law, was born in August of the year 1900. That date comes from an approximation on his U.S. Army enlistment papers, which were filed some 18 years later. On the paper, Inting’s middle name is listed as “Igorot”, (pronounced Eee-Goo-Root), which refers to the Guiniling family’s tribe—somewhat similar to “Cherokee” or “Navajo”.
At the dawn of World War I, it was to the U.S. Army’s advantage to recruit these highland tribes who had eluded both Spanish and American colonial campaigns. In addition to having had little to no contact with Westerners, this meant the Igorot and other mountain folk knew little to nothing of the effects of the Philippine War of Independence, which took the lives of 600,000 of their countrymen at the hands of both Conquistadores and later, U.S. Marines
 Inting was recruited to the Philippine Scout (PS) special forces unit of the U.S. Army in 1919, and served until the end of the war. He was called back into service for World War II, where he fought in the Bataan Region with the 42nd and 45th Infantry regiments against Japanese soldiers. Jon, my uncle-in-law, explained to my husband and I in a recent e-mail:
When the [U.S. Army in the Philippines] surrendered to the Japanese in 1942, Inting refused to surrender. Instead, he escaped and went back to the mountains and joined the guerrillas fighting the Japanese. He always eluded capture, even after his… units surrendered (Writer’s note: this surrender led to what is known as the ‘Bataan Death March.’ More than half of the P.S. died in battle or as POW’s of the Japanese in WWII). He finally rejoined the U.S. Army in 1944 when Gen. Douglas MacArthur returned to liberate the Philippines from the imperial forces of Japan. When Japan surrendered in 1945, he escorted surrendering Japanese soldiers to Manila to be shipped back to Japan. He was discharged from the U.S. Army in 1946 after 27 years of honorable military service. He earned the Silver Star, the Bronze Star with a combat V, Asiatic Pacific Campaign, World War II Victory Medal and many more. He died on Dec. 21, 1968"
Despite all this, and General MacArthur’s comments in a 1942 Time Magazine article that the Igorots were an important part of the war effort, the Philippine Scouts are still considered “Forgotten Soldiers,” overlooked and under-recognized for their sacrifice. Perhaps Inting’s long list of honours are a true testament to just how incredible his actions were.

There is no doubt in any of our minds that Inting Guiniling is a hero. It was because of him that his entire family was granted U.S. citizenship. He is the reason his daughter, my mother-in-law, was able to attend university tuition-free. He is the reason my husband was born in the United States. He is a hero simply for these gifts that gave his family the chance to have a better life. My husband and I certainly wouldn’t have met and fallen in love without him. (Thanks, Grandpa Inting!)
But war—as many people are touching on this year, as we enter the 11th round of the Global War on Terror—is about more than heroes and their valiant deeds

My husband’s uncle is the oldest of his mother’s siblings—old enough to remember the war stories, and more..
One morning in the family hut (still, at this time, in the highlands of Mountain Province), Uncle Jon as a child tried to wake his father. Grandpa Inting awoke in a panic, and proceeded to beat his son into the wall of the hut. He would apologize some time later, explaining to Uncle Jon that he didn’t recognize his son—or where he was.

And then there were the times, my husband told me, when his Lola (Grandma) had to flee into the forest with her children, in order to hide from her husband—who would slip into fits of rage, would grab his gun out of the blue and put himself on “guard duty” outside of their home, for indefinite periods of time.
These used to be the things that every military family had a story about, but no one was allowed to speak of. Paranoia, unpredictable rage and violence, and ‘hyper-vigilance’— a term described by post-trauma psychiatrist Kathleen Whip as, “When you’re in a constant state of readiness, even when you don’t have to be”—are all the symptoms we know today associated with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD. Certainly, the word didn’t exist in Inting’s day—some refuse to believe it exists in 2012.
It was in part the acknowledgement of PTSD’s existence that my husband refused a second deployment. After 15 months in Afghanistan, he was unwilling to return there or go to Iraq. From the Panjwai Massacre to the torture of Afghan detainees; from Abu Ghraib to White Phosphorus, it has become clear that this decision may have saved his sanity.

He didn’t qualify for C.O. Status (a Conscientious Objector in the U.S. Army must categorically oppose all forms of violence, including self defense). A request of transfer to a non-combat role was ripped up by his commanding officer. Isolated, depressed, exhausted, trapped, and clearly suffering from PTSD, my husband did what was best for his own self-preservation: he went to Canada. He separated himself from his trauma, and sought to understand it and come to terms with it. He did not, as his grandfather and countless others did before him, resign to it as a “necessary evil” of man, of war, of life.
Soldiers today have more information about PTSD than any generation before them. Should we still be thinking of war the same way? Should my husband, for instance, have committed himself regardless, like his grandfather did–despite his knowledge of PTSD and things like international law?
Soldiers who leave the army, as my husband has, face courts-martial and jail time for refusing to destroy themselves and other people in the process. A jail sentence of one day over a year will brand you a felon for the rest of your life. Felons, in exchange for their crimes, forsake the right to vote and bear arms in all but two U.S. states.
 Former U.S. soldier Robin Long served a 15 month sentence in2008-2009 for going AWOL to Canada, refusing to fight in the Iraq War 
Where two U.S. wars gave one Guiniling citizenship for his family, two other wars may be what takes it away. 
As the notoriously anti-war veteran and writer Kurt Vonnegut would have said, “So it goes”.
Canada, since Vietnam, has changed its tone on the subject of War Resisters and Draft Dodgers (there is no “draft’ per se, but Stop-Loss legislation in the U.S. is a de-facto draft of servicemen and women, and it has led many to re-deploy indefinately—not disconnected from the greatest suicide epidemic that the country has ever seen). Whereas Pierre Trudeau’s Liberals welcomed them in the 1970s, Harper’s Conservatives find the cacophony of PTSD claims and human rights abuses—all the natural bi-products of war—to be highly inconvenient in a time they are trying to re-brand of Canada as a Warrior Nation.
Come what may, “Guiniling” is more than a name for my my husband and me. It is the story of a legacy and a family, born of war and its plurality of meaning.
I remain optimistic. After all, ‘Nicole’ means “Victory of the People”.
NMG
Related Articles:
Ed Note: This piece was originally published on November 10th on Nicole's Blog. She has agreed to share it  here on VetSpeak in support of our mutual mission to put a human face on the Toronto Resisters (49ers), as we work torwards Amnesty for all Resisters and Deported Veterans.

Friday, October 26, 2012

VetSpeak Newsletter re New Look & Fall Offensive

Common Sense...
                                                      VetSpeak.org Newsletter - Fall 2012                                                                                                           

"VetSpeak.org exists to publish and distribute the crucial voices and perspectives of America's military veterans, families, and supporters; in print, online, and on disc..." (VetSpeak, 2005).

 NEW LOOK - SAME MISSION

VetSpeak.org is changing it's look, but not its mission. As part of the New Look, I have moved the VetSpeak Mission Statement & Policy, from the bottom of the page sidebar, to the top.  The reason for this is; I believe that who you are and what you are about should always be up front, whether you are a journalist or an activist. Both of these capacities can directly shape the American public's perceptions of Truth. Perceptions, which have been proven to be easily distorted and manipulated by corporate media, politicians, and political opportunists with hidden agendas; all of whom practice the art of political spin and hide Objective Truth from an electorate dying of thirst from lack of it. The way that they manage these re-writes, is with the tried and true practice of re-framing the political and social argument of the moment.  They spin Objective Truth in an attempt to somehow reflect their politically altered truth (Lakoff, 2004). VetSpeak.org Speaks only Objective Truth to Power.

Our New Look is the result of Google buying out Blogger and transforming everything over to their formats.  The sales pitch is that it makes things easier to manage, and also allows updated interactive technologies for social medias, and on 4G internet media in general, thereby expanding outreach and distribution opportunities.  We will see.  As a publication, VetSpeak grew up on Blogger.  Blogger was like a community; neophyte commentators and techie nerds, all working together in a symbiotic publishing relationship through the user friendly medium of the Blogger platform. Now, when you see Blogger, think Google; a distant, sterile, and for all intents and purposes, inaccessible ring master, for those of us trying to blaze the trail from print media to digital multi-media publishing.   No biggie...as the ol' Gunny used to say; "...when all else fails, improvise!..."

I have tried to keep the Look as much like the old one as possible, changing the banner to reflect the theme established on VetSpeak letterheads and business cards...kinda like an old Marine Corps green footlocker, with yellow stenciled identifiers...the main page background represents the desert sand of America's campaigns, since 9-11.  The outer background and font color are throwbacks to the old page look, that of parchment. Parchment was the medium used by Tom Paine and other Sons of Liberty pamphleteers to write their commentary and political treatises, such as Paine's Common Sense, and upon which they ultimately wrote the US Constitution on.  The image suggests VetSpeak coming off the parchment of Blogger into the 21st century medium of Google, but not abandoning the principles or ideals of Paine and the other Sons of Liberty..

Something else I learned is that while our look is an identifier, our content is our heart and soul.  Critical to successfully carrying out our above stated mission is our distribution of that content to an involved activist readership, rather than unfocused shotgun messaging, political pandering, or advertising. We don't spend any time or money for services that "guarantee" readership hits for a fee. We don't try and drive readers to our site; instead; we literally "deliver the news" to our readership. We do this in the hopes that they in turn will share it to their own lists and with friends, FB and otherwise. Our downline distribution is to select closed lists and/or groups and list serves that are made up of veterans, families, and supporters, to include the informational and activist list serves of activist organizations. 

REINFORCING THE MISSION

As you can see, we now have two of the four critical elements to success already in place; a new 4g capable platform with updated desktop publishing technology and support, and a 7 year history as a credible and effective medium for publishing the perspectives of veterans, current service members, families, and supporters, and actively reporting on their events, actions, and legislative initiatives that address their particular peace and social justice issues. 

However, there are two other elements critical to carrying out the mission that still need to be addressed, and those are; funding and content. These two elements are directly tied to one another. Our VetSpeak business model sets our journalistic standard as; First Hand, Timely, and Well Documented. Much of our content is composed of live blogging or after-action reports, which requires that we be present for the event and/or action to fulfill the First Hand and Timely part of that standard. Without being there, due to the prolonged economic downturn, we have diminished our content capability by becoming dependent on second hand reporting which in turn directly impacts our timeliness.   

With a stagnate economy and rising costs for travel, increased funding is the key to securing content that is relevant to our reader base, and true to our journalistic standards.  Sadly, we can no longer carry the load out of pocket and with spot donations. As we continue to improve the site, we will be exploring the possibilities of some grants, appeals for perpetual endowments, and serial donation pledges. We have already designed the page for our online store, The PX, and with our new capabilities and increased background space will soon have it on-line. But, for now, we still need to appeal directly to our readers for support, from time to time...and, this is one of those times.

RALLYING MISSION SUPPORT

We realize that finances are a challenge for all hands, so I think its important to point out that there are other ways that you can show your support besides donating money. We think of VetSpeak as a family operation, including our readership.  Each member contributes what they can to sustain and/or improve the quality of life of the family.  Some write, some organize, some read and share, some read and take action, and some always come through to make it possible for us to make it to an important action or event.  If everyone who reads this were to choose just one of the following ways to support our efforts, you would greatly improve the VetSpeak family quality of life, and thereby enable increased relevant content and upgrade distribution capability:
  • WRITE FOR US - submit any poetry, personal insight, articles, essays, commentary, and group/organization event notices to willie.hager@vetspeak.org, attached in Word.doc format and with Attn: Editor in the Subject field. Attach any pictures you want to use in the piece, in the order you wish them displayed. Also, please use the Post A Comment option to join the topic discussion, or to tell us your thoughts on a topic, or our presentation of it.
  • FOLLOW US - show your support to others and go to Followers header in sidebar, and click on Join This Site. You may run in to someone there that you know, or that you might like to meet. We will add you to the VetSpeakNet list serve when you choose to follow us.
  • SHARE US - share postings that you receive from us on FB, other social media, and on any relevant list serves that you might administer.
  • DONATE - to make either a one time or a perpetual cash donation; go to Join The Fight header in sidebar, and click on Donate button for PayPal. Be sure to type in VetSpeak Donation in memo line, for 501 (c) deduction credit.  We are currently on a drive to raise $8,000 to cover anticipated travel and expenses and site improvement software through the spring of 2013. A $25.00 donation from each person on our lists, and from all those who read this elsewhere and support our  mission, would put us over the top in short order.
  • MOBILIZE US - last, but not least, help to put VetSpeak on the road; we are seeking a tax deductible donation of a serviceable, road ready, 4 sleeper RV to use for travel and event support. If you know of a dealer or an individual who might support our mission, and donate one for a tax deduction, please ask them to contact me at willie.hager@vetspeak.org, with Re RV in the Subject field.x
FALL OFFENSIVE

As we move towards the new year, we will be focusing our pages on the plight of the GI and other Resisters resulting from the continued US involvement in Afghanistan, to include the issue of multiple forced deployments of our troops to that theatre of operations. This in spite of pending clinical evaluations regarding the severity of diagnosis of PTSD and TBI.  Iraq Veterans Against the War (IVAW) already has instituted a campaign, Operation Recovery, to address this practice. 

To deal with the devastating human fall-out of GI Resistance, Vietnam Veterans Against The War/Old School Sappers (VVAW/OSS) has initiated Amnesty for Resisters Campaign 2.0. VVAW/OSS has developed this initiative from working with a group of Toronto Resisters who call themselves the "49ers" (pertaining to the 49th Parallel that separates Canada from the US).  

In the coming months, VetSpeak.org will be following up on both of these campaigns and publishing personal essays, advocacy information, and by-lines and blogs from those actively involved in these symbiotic issues. We hope that we can count on y'all to do your part for the mission; read, act on, and share.



"All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good concience to remain silent."
Thomas Jefferson


Friday, September 23, 2011

Congressional Public Law 95-26: Denying Benefits to Veterans

Ed Note: I met Rick Staggenborg at the Veterans For Peace National Convention in Portland, Oregon this past August. He was a panel member on a VA Benefits workshop being put on by Coffee Strong, a Veteran Owned, Pro G.I., Anti-war Veterans' advocacy and outreach  project located in Lakewood, Washington. Jan Ruhman had keyed me up on Rick, and asked me to get in touch with him. Rick had recently made a unsuccessful  run at the US Senate. He had also been a VA Psychiatrist and is well versed in the elusive diagnosis called by the medical community, PTSD. Here he addresses one of it's more debilitting manifestations; Bad Discharges. WH

THE “LEAVE SOME VETS BEHIND” LAW: A NATIONAL DISGRACE

In 1995, Congress codified as Public Law 95-126 the VA policy denying benefits to veterans who receive less than honorable discharges, including those who served in combat in Vietnam and subsequent wars of choice. These veterans can only receive services by going through a difficult, painful and often unsuccessful process requiring them to debase themselves by begging their former military Service to upgrade their discharge status. 
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In the process, they have to relive their combat trauma and in some cases have to contact those with whom they served. This drags up horrific memories that they have struggled to suppress, often through drugs, alcohol and promiscuity. This is the reason they acted out through drunkenness, disobedience or desertion of their posts stateside after return from combat. I know this because it has been the case in every veteran I have met who falls under the provisions of this Catch-22 implemented by a group of chicken hawks who were too busy setting the country up for economic destruction to consider the consequences of their actions on our veterans.

The men and women affected by PL 95-126 volunteered or were compelled by our own government to serve the interests of the corporations who our elected representatives feel they need to serve to maintain their positions of power. After all, they reason, someone has to pay for the propaganda campaigns that confuse the general public, justifying unnecessary wars and the real reasons for them, as well as lining the pockets of the rich by subverting democracy worldwide in the name of America. Many of the members of Congress responsible for this outrage shamelessly lied to the young, patriotic men and women who have served in Iraq and Afghanistan as well as their parents about the reasons they were sent to kill and die. 

Now that these service members have done their duty, many of those most in need of help from the VA have been casually discarded, as were the Vietnam veterans before them. The ordeal of seeking help causes flare-ups of PTSD symptoms and reminds these veterans of the fact that their government chose to dishonor them rather than treat the wounds of war and the economic devastation that these politicians themselves inflicted on these combat veterans. The same is true when any of the estimated 30% of female OEF vets are erroneously told that they are not entitled to VA services to treat the psychological damage from the devastating psychological trauma of being raped in the service.
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These women are often among the worst affected by symptoms of PTSD. A high proportion of them were sexually abused in childhood but were functioning well enough to serve until being re-traumatized during their terms of service by the very men who were supposed to guard their backs. Almost to a woman, they were then ostracized by their peers, often even if they chose not to report the crime. This has led to a gross underestimate of the actual incidence of this form of trauma, which is magnified by the abuse and neglect that followed from their command, in the name of “maintaining unit cohesion.”

I suspect that most veterans falling under PL 95-126 choose not to engage in this fight, knowing that even if they succeed in obtaining an upgrade of their discharge, they then have to argue that they suffer “mental illness” as a result of their service. PTSD is not a mental illness, leaving the VA to decide whether or not to resort to semantic gymnastics in order to provide the services that most of us in the VA dedicate our professional lives to providing. What they do not know if they choose to engage in this long battle is that they only stand a 50% chance of success at each step, according to unofficial sources with whom I have consulted.

What is worse, the law does not even have a provision to allow the VA to conduct evaluations of those who win the lottery in the first step. They are required to somehow obtain independent psychiatric evaluations in order to make their case. Fortunately or unfortunately, those who need the help most are generally impoverished by their circumstances, so they could get these exams through programs set up for the poor, if they are lucky enough to realize that such services are often available in the community. Because these individuals most often have divorced themselves from society in their shame, anger and despair, I suspect that few even try to navigate the labyrinth of steps required to obtain services, if they are lucky enough to succeed.

This crime against the youth of our nation, many now having grown up and producing a new generation of alienated and disaffected youth, is unacceptable. The VA may play a role because of the communication problems endemic in such a large organization, but the real fault lies with our complacent Congress. All of us who want to truly honor our veterans must demand that the members of the Veterans Committee in the Senate act at once to atone for this sin against our nation. Please call Senator Webb, Senator Tester or other members of the Veteran Affairs Committee at 866-220-0044 and demand action. I do not believe that either of these diligent and hardworking senators is aware of the problem, despite my attempts at asking for help through their aides.

When I spoke to Phillip Brady, Veteran Affairs aide to Senator Webb, he made inquiries, speaking to the DOD and VA about the problem. As the only office in either organization authorized to speak to Congress is presumably the office of public affairs, both predictably denied that it was a problem. If you are as outraged at this whitewash, please let these Senator Webb in particular know.  As a decorated Vietnam veteran and father of an Iraq war veteran, he may be willing to dig deeper and speak to someone more appropriate at the VA Central Office.  I suggested to Phillip that he start with the then-VA director of Mental Health Services, Dr Ira Katz. Dr Katz was a dedicated public servant who has been unfairly maligned by the media in the past but who has privately expressed his concern about this law as well.

Please contact every veteran group and veteran advocacy group that you can locate.   Let them know that you share my anger at this continuing mistreatment of combat veterans and sexually abused female veterans who only wanted to serve their country while in fact being used as tools by a cynical, cowardly Congress to serve the interests of their corporate Puppetmasters. While you are at it, Let them know that the men and women who joined the military  from other countries are our brothers and sisters and that we will not stand by while they are deported because of problems stemming from PTSD.

Captain, USA (Ret)
Former VA Psychiatrist, North Bend, OR

Some Additional Research, Information, and Resources:

"Does it Hurt on the Inside? Post Vietnam Syndrome". The First Casualty Vol 2, Number 1. VVAW. Chicago (1972)

Seiberling, John. "Secret Discharge Codes". Winter Soldier, Vol 4 Number 4. VVAW. Chicago (1974)

Ford, Diane. "Are We Still missing The Point". The Veteran, Vol 37, Number 1. VVAW. Chicago (2007)

Overview of Discharge Upgrading re DOD 

What You should Know About How to Upgrade Your Military Discharge re US Army Trial Defense Service

Swords To Plowshares Veterans Advocacy

Vietnam Veterans Against The War: Veteran Resources and Military Counseling Service

Sunday, May 08, 2011

Shock Waves: A Practical Guide to Living with a Loved One's PTSD

Ed Note: This just in, via e-mail from Michael Orange. He's getting word out on his wife Cynthia Orange's latest accomplishment.  That being, the much deserved recognition for her recently released book on living with PTSD; Shock Waves .  Both are periodic contributors here at VetSpeak, their last pieces being from Madison, Wi, written in March of this year; .  They are our voices, speaking truth to power. WH

BIG NEWS!! Cynthia's latest book, Shock Waves: A Practical Guide to Living with a Loved One's PTSD, won a Silver Award from the prestigious Nautilus Book Awards!
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The Nautilus Book Awards recognizes books that promote spiritual growth, conscious living, high-level wellness, green values, responsible leadership, and positive social change. Past winners include Deepak ChopraBarbara KingsolverThich Nhat Hahn, the Dalai LamaMathew FoxThom HartmannAmy Goodman, and Julia Cameron.

I'm so proud of her work and delighted that it's getting this well-deserved national recognition.

Michael
 J. Michael Orange
1211 Bidwell St.
St. Paul, MN 55118

651-457-8793

orange_michael@msn.com


Saturday, May 22, 2010

Soldiers & Suicide: A Warrior Poet's Nightmare...

Carrying a Backpack of Sorrow:
Soldiers on the Edge of Suicide

By Nadya Williams
Freelance Journalist, Veterans Advocate, Agent Orange Activist

More of our young soldiers are now killing themselves than are being killed in our wars in the Middle East. The sad statistics are at the end of this article, but the following poem by a 24-year-old former Marine, who slashed his wrists twice after four years of duty and two tours of combat, tells it all.
You fell off the seat as the handlebars turned
sharp left, throwing your body onto
the hot coals of Ramadi pavement,
intertwining your legs within your bicycle.
Lifeless eyes looking to the sky,
your neck muscles twitched turning your head
directly towards us. Nothing escaped your
lips except for the blood in the left corner
of your mouth that briefly moistened them
until the sand and dust dried them out.
The blood trail went behind the stone wall
where your body was placed, weighed down
by your blue bicycle and we laughed.
I used to fall asleep to the pictures and now
I can’t even bear to get a glimpse.
Excerpted from “The Bicycle” by Jon Michael Turner

The military “broke me down into a not-good person, wearing a huge mask,” Turner told the audience at his poetry reading in San Francisco’s Beat Museum, in North Beach. The March 12 event – on the birthday of ‘Beatnik’ literary icon Jack Kerouac – was organized by the venerable Jack Hirschman, San Francisco’s 2006 Poet Laureate, and by the local IVAW (Iraq Veterans Against the War). Jon read from his small, self-published book “Eat the Apple” and from several large pages of dark green hand-made paper – the product of The Combat Paper Book Project, where 125 vets, ranging from World War II through Vietnam to Iraq and Afghanistan, shredded their uniforms to make books for their poetry. “Poetry saved my life,” Jon told us, more than once. (Photo: Jack Hirschman, 2006 Poet Laureate of San Francisco, with Iraq War vet, Jon Michael Turner)

The Burlington, Vermont native was accompanied by his father and step-mother on a coast to coast series of readings from the little book whose name comes from a play on the word “core.” The flyer for the evening reading stated:

“There’s a term ‘Once a Marine, always a Marine,’” Turner says, ripping his medals off and flinging them to the ground. As the room explodes in applause he adds, “But there’s also the expression:

‘Eat the apple, f*ck the corps.
I don’t work for you no more!’”

Jon walks with a cane and was physically injured in battle, but only his poetry reveals his invisible wounds, as in these excerpts from “A Night in the Mind of Me – part 1”
The train hits you head on when you hear of another
friend whose life was just taken.
Pulling his cold lifeless body from the cooler,
unzipping the bag and seeing his forehead,
caved in like a cereal bowl from the sniper’s bullet
that touched his brain.
His skin was pale and cold.

It becomes difficult to sleep even after being
physically drained from patrols, post,
overwatches and carrying five hundred
sandbags up eighty feet of stairs after
each post cycle.

The psychiatrists still wonder why we
drink so heavy when we get home.
We need something to take us away
from the gunfire, explosions,
sand, nightmares and screams……….
I still can’t cry.
The tears build up but no weight is shed.
Anger kicks in and something else
becomes broken.
A cabinet
An empty bottle of liquor
A heart
A soul.

People still look away as we submit ourselves
to drugs and alcohol to suppress these
feelings of loneliness and sadness,
leading to self mutilation and
self destruction on the gift of a human body.
The ditch that we dug starts to cave in.

And from “A Night in the Mind of Me  –  part 2:”
Laughter pours out from the house as if nothing
were the matter, when outside in a chair, underneath
a tree, next to the chickens, I sit,
engulfed in my own sorrows……

Resting on the ground is my glass,
half filled with water but I don’t have
enough courage to pick it up and smash it against
my skull so that everyone can watch blood
pool in the pockets where my collar
bones meet my dead weighted shoulders,…
Every time I’m up, something pulls me down,
whenever I relax, something stresses me out,
every time a smile tugs on my heart, an
iron fist crushes it, and I sit outside in a chair,
underneath a tree, next to the chickens,
away from the ones that I love so
that my disease won’t infect them.
Sorrow and self-pity should be detained,
thrown into an empty bottle and given to the
ocean so that the waves can wash away the pain.

One wonders why this slightly-built, sensitive young man joined the Marines in 2004 at the age of 18 (he was sent first to Haiti at the time of the US-backed February coup that ousted the populist and democratic President Jean-Bertrand Aristide). Jon revealed that he came from a military family whose participation in every American conflict stretches back to the Revolutionary War. His father is clearly too young to have gone to Vietnam, but could have easily been in one or both of the Bushes’ wars. Jon’s big brother is also a soldier, ironically now in Haiti after the earthquake. Of the American military, Jon now writes in ”What May Come”:
tap, tap
That’s the sound of the man at your door,
I’m sorry but you won’t see your son alive anymore,
my name is Uncle Sam and I made your boy a whore.

And, from “Just Thoughts”:
I often wonder
if this will be the rest of my life.
Schizophrenic, paranoid, anxious.
That guy that walks around the city center that
people steer their children away from.
“Mommy, who’s that man walking next
to the crazy guy?”
“Oh that’s just Uncle Sam sweetheart, he takes
the souls from young men so that
they have trouble sleeping at night”

“It takes the Courage and Strength of a Warrior to ask for Help” – we’ve all seen the ads, on billboards and busses, with the silhouette of a down-cast soldier against a back drop of the stars and stripes, and a 1-800 Help Line just for vets, provided by the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, the Department of Health and Human Services, and the Department of Veterans Affairs. But “The Surge” in self-inflicted deaths continues, with our military reporting 350 suicides of active duty personnel in 2009, compared to 340 combat deaths in Afghanistan, and 160 in Iraq during the same year – the highest active duty military suicide numbers since records began to be kept in 1980. And for every death, at least five serving personnel are hospitalized for attempting to take their life, according to the military’s own studies.

But these statistics do not include the far larger number of post-active duty veterans who kill themselves after discharge, or, like Jon Michael Turner, who make the attempt. (Vietnam veteran suicides number easily in the tens of thousands.) A CBS study put the current suicide rate among male veterans aged 20 to 24 at four times the national average. According to CNN, total combat deaths since 2001 (8+ years) in Afghanistan are now 1,016; since 2003 (7 years) in Iraq 4,390 – totaling 5,406 as of March 21, 2010. However the Veteran’s Administration estimates that 6,400 veterans take their own lives each year – an ever growing proportion of them from the recent Mid-East wars – with this figure widely disputed as being way too low. Multiply 6,400 by seven or eight years to compare the numbers of our young soldiers that are now killing themselves, to those being killed in our wars and occupations.

The last word belongs to Jon Michael Turner, from “Taught How To Love”:
x
I’m sick of carrying this pain
everywhere I go. I’m sick of being
thanked for my service. I’d rather
have society thank the people that
don’t believe in war, or thank
the people that get arrested for
an act of civil disobedience, or
thank the people that resist.
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To buy “Eat the Apple,” contact Jon M. Turner, Seven Star Press, 4 Howard Street Suite 12, Burlington, VT 05401; E-mail: JT@greendoorstudio.net  See also: www.IVAW.org (Iraq Veterans Against the War)
________
Nadya Williams is a free-lance journalist and a former study-tour coordinator for Global Exchange, a San Francisco-based human rights and peace non-profit.  She is an active associate member of Veterans for Peace, San Francisco chapter, and is on the national board of the New York-based Vietnam Agent Orange Relief and Responsibility Campaign. 

www.vetspeak.org